I'm a PC and it takes me two years to think of an obvious comeback.

Because most people aren't Oscar Wilde they don't often think of perfectly witty, piercing retorts until the day after an argument.

Sometimes it's up to a week later. It will be in a pub or in the shower or somewhere random. They'll be involuntarily re-playing a bit of an argument or difficult conversation then... BAMMFFFGH!

Suddenly there it is, a slow wet fart of inspiration, four days too late.

Maybe they'll subtly weave the remark into a future re-telling of the incident. That way they will appear sharper, wittier and more like Oscar Wilde. More often than not though they'll just slap their thick skulled forehead and curse their porridge brains saying "Durr, I wish I'd said that." or "Hmpfh, yeah that would have shown them."

Clearly to return to the person with whom the original argument took place and shout out the "witty clever comeback" right in their bemused face would be ludicrous. Even to do it a few hours later would be considered borderline care in the community.

The moment has passed, the context is lost and with it the opportunity of a verbal parry and riposte.

So then - how fucked in the head would you have to be to spend two years thinking of a "witty clever comeback" then shout it in someone's face via a 300 million dollar TV and internet campaign?

Well then you'd be Microsoft.

Had this appeared the week after the original Apple adverts then fine, OK. A month, maybe. But two years? Fuck off Bill.

This is the age of web 4.0 or whatever fucking version it's on. People expect a witty, surprising and instantaneous response. On a twittered feed from an GPS tracked google mapped experimental satellite phone-cum-sandwich toaster.

They expect it twice as much when it's a "cutting edge" computer company. Instead they get a postal chess, feel-good, PC friendly equivalent of a four-year-old saying "I know you are but what am I."

Also the inclusion of Dying Polar Bears® and African School Kids® makes me want to sick into my TV.