The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Hulk, yes. Incredible, no.

The Watchable Hulk, the Bearable Hulk, the Acceptable Hulk.

Since the weekend I have been trying to figure out what was wrong with it. I remember the Ang Lee version was too long and arty and slow. It didn't have enough of Hulk smashing things up. And Nick Nolte turned into a giant jelly fish at the end.

This version doesn't have a giant jelly fish and Hulk does smash, which is great. But then he just starts to over-smash a bit. It's like you get smash blindness he smashes so much.

So what do I want for fucks sake? Less smashing? More smashing? Well, the problem isn't really the smashing. It's the Hulk. What I learnt from watching the Incredible Hulk is that Hulk is a bit shit.

In Planet Hulk (a 2006 Marvel comic) Iron Man, Reed Richards and Doctor Strange decide that after he wrecks Las Vegas, Hulk poses an unreasonable risk to Earth. So they fire him into space, to an uninhabited moon, washing their hands of him.

I can sympathise.


When he is Banner he has zero charisma. He is unable to form any sort of lasting relationship or attachment and mostly spends his time being either sad or guilty because of what Hulk has done.

When he is Hulk he just smashes stuff to bits and occasionally hurts or kills people. If it wasn't Hulk how would you even pitch that?

A movie about a sad, lonely, guilty Physicist isn't box office gold.

But wait, sometimes he turns into a monster! Great! What does the monster do?

Er, well he just smashes things up, y'know like an oversized vandal. Sometimes he kills people accidentally but mostly he just vandalises stuff and shouts at the sky or bellows at inanimate objects.

Hmmm, ok.

Sooooo... what does Shouting Guilty Sad Vandal Man want to do? What is his ultimate goal? Who is he saving? Why?

Himself! He wants to become Boring Physicist Man! No more guilt and sadness and no more smashing and shouting.

And Boring Physicist Man is better than Shouting Guilty Sad Vandal Man... why?

Therein lies the problem, the actual idea isn't that great. Once you've seen Hulk smash more than twice there isn't much more that you really want to see him smash. Although when you've seen Ed Norton as Banner for longer than 5 minutes you realise there is something else you'd like to see Hulk smash - Nortons head, like a grape under a boot.


The story is as thin as the general premise. Banner is hiding in Brazil but he wants to find a Hulk cure. To figure out the Hulk cure he needs data from his lab so he must meet Betty Ross and then the secretive Mr Blue.

But General Ross wants to find Banner so he hires a commando, Blonsky, to chase Banner while he does all of the above.

No cure is found - obviously. Blonsky gets more and more drugged up and eventually becomes the Abomination - cue big fight, Hulk wins, Hulk runs away. End.

On the plus side Tim Roth is fantastic as Blonsky, effectively snarling his way through a different movie. He lifts every scene he's in. His face off with Hulk, after being dosed with Super Soldier Serum, was big stupid fun. Meanwhile Liv Tyler does a good job of playing Sarah from Team America, which is a shame because she should be playing Betty Ross from Incredible Hulk.

Most of the other actors do a reasonable job but they could be swapped out with pretty much anyone and not be missed.

For the first half the movie is fun. There is a fantastic Bourne-esque rooftop chase across a favela, a great Military vs. Hulk showdown on a college campus and some compelling stuff from Roth. Unfortunately toward the third act it deteriorates into little more than cgi WWF.


Yeah, it was fun to see Hulk rip a police car in half then use the two halves as boxing gloves - but it didn't connect. It just sort of washed over me. I didn't really care if he won or lost, then when he did win he just ran off. Probably to feel guilty and sad somewhere on his own.

Interestingly there are some geeky suggestions at an evolving Marvel Movieverse, for example Blonsky is dosed up from a dusty canister bearing the name of Dr.Reinstein. For the uninitiated (or people who have a life) he's the doctor who originally administered the Serum to Captain America in WWII. The excellent opening credit recap shows weapons being bought from Stark Industries. Then later on the government uses a SHIELD interface to track down Banner. Finally near the end we get Downey Jr. as Tony Stark in a cameo nod to the Avenger initiative.

Presumably we'll get various pay-offs to these hints in the upcoming Captain America, Iron Man II and Avengers movies.
Nevertheless most normal people will find these references as interesting or rewarding as standing in a queue to hear an old man sigh. In the end Downey Jr. only reminds us of the wit, charm and excitement on display in Iron Man that is sadly lacking in Hulk.