Put it in my eye-mouth while I masticate furiously

Remember this piece of shit for Trident gum?

It got banned due to complaints of racism. Why racsist? It's just funny isn't it? A white woman shouting masty-cay-shun for de nay-shun in a bad Jamaican accent... comedy gold, surely?

I suppose it was perceived as racist because the humour was derived from a white woman doing a Jamaican accent thereby implying that there is something inherently funny about the way Jamicans talk. And presumably something twice as funny about a white woman doing a funny Jamican accent.

They did another two, one featuring another white guy doing a 'funny' Jamican accent and one which actually featured a ludicrous Jamican behaving like an escapee from Mind Your Language. On speed.

Coincidentally Trident also happens to be the name for London Police division that deals with gun crime in the black community. That's the only funny thing about the ad.

Anyway Trident are back! In your face!

Droping the mastication line they now want to...

MESS WITH YOUR HEAD!

At first glance I thought this girl was winking her swollen black eye, a carefree victim of the casual spousal abuse of the 50's. But since that wouldn't make any fucking sense whatsoever my brain had to try again.

So I looked closer and realised that she actually has an extra mini mouth instead of a left eye.

A mini eye mouth. With lipstick... and mmm-mmm it's licking it's lips in a sexy suggestive manner.

Mess with your head? How? Is there a chemical in trident gum that causes a bizarre strain of prosopagnosia?

Was she born like that or has she transplanted a little mouth into her eye socket? Congratulations Mrs. Kendall the operation was a complete success, it'll be sore for a few weeks so remember to rinse it with mouth wash if you smoke with it.

Why is it licking its lips? What does it eat? If you were going out with her how long would it be before you asked for an eyejob? Want to try it in the mouth eye? I'll mess with your head, uh-uh yeah, wink me off.

Can she breathe through it? Can it whistle? Does it talk? Congrats team Trident you've messed with my head.

I wonder what they'll do next?

Maybe they could have a naked, female, black Jesus crucified on a burning cross made of wheelchairs mounted on a Victorian steam train. She'd have a vagina for a mouth, an erect horses cock for a nose and two sphincters for eyes. And maybe have loads of octopus tentacles instead of legs.

Above her in massive bouncy pink gothic bubble letters it could say NEW STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE FLAVOUR.

The slightly smaller strapline could say CHEW-CHEW, GOD IS DEAD.