Thank you? Fuck you.

Fuck you, fuck your cars and fuck your stupid bland advert.

Maybe it's the cloying Donald Sutherland voice over? Is it the wistful folky fucking accoustic guitar? Perhaps the feeling of no real message? Or the feeling that something interesting has been made dull? Or the fact it seems like a re-dub of some previous vapid vanilla Euro nonsense?

Possibly all of the above? The end result is a bland, mawkish, lobotomised drool of an ad. Even Don sounds like he's about to doze off. When he says "Further, furtherrrrrrrr" I half expected to hear a snore followed by a sleepy accidental fart.

An utter waste of everyones time including that of the viewer. Worst of all - it sort of feels like this...



...but with cars instead of dogs. 

For BMW to be happy with this is just plain lazy, laaaaayzaaaaaaay...zzzzzzzz....parp.

Still on a car tip the new Mercedes brand ad has a more blurry, artsy Michael Mann approach. Rain spots blur out of focus on the lens. A cityscape. A man sits in a café alone. Now he stands in the rain, a Mercedes powers through a desert at night, a black dog runs through the evaporating dust trails.

The moon turns into his eye, then becomes a tunnel out which is stalking a dog whose glinting eyes morph into headlamps, leaving streaky traces they swerve away. The scene melts out of focus. Aa glassy chrome cityscape dissolves in, reflected in a car bonnet. A stubble chinned business man stands on the bonnet wanking furiously and staring intensely at himself in the windscreen. An ominous bass tone, building in intensity, plays throughout. Climaxing with a bit of freestyle jazz trumpet and an agonised scream of "I AM MERCEDESARRRGAAAHH"



Alright, I made the last bit up. I actually quite like this, I like the mood and the music is very menacing. Unfortunately the interesting bit of the script was done better here...



...he was talking about experience. Plus since he's Bruce Campbell, this is instantly elevated above and beyond pretty much anything else.